One of my least favourite of beginnings to a chapter. It always seems a cheat: there are tons of significant issues raised in the previous chapter (we discussed several of them) that don't seem to allow for 'two years passed'. Things that would, indeed, come to a conclusion or at least further events, during those two years.
And so much of the beginning here is telling, not showing. That's another problem with 'two years passed'. It drives us out of the story into some kind of fast-forward mode... and an unbelievable one.
I myself don't believe the 'I never asked because if I knew the answer I would be different'. Who would think like that???
I don't think it's a cheat because literally nothing happens in those two years that is relevant to the story she is telling (remember, this is the girl from the prologue telling this story). What would you like to know from that time? She finished her formal education - not relevant to the larger story. She began "testing" various crafts to see which she might want to learn - not relevant to the larger story. She developed relationships with various people in her village - not relevant to the larger story. She probably ate and drank and went to the bathroom a few times too. :-) What do you miss out on (from the perspective of the larger story) by missing all of those irrelevant (and frankly quite dull) details? Or would you prefer having two chapters of utter nothing, filled to the brim with simple domestic tedium, just to avoid "skipping time"?
There is a fair bit of "telling" at the start of the chapter because (as she later admits) she is stalling, not wanting to actually get into the story because it is painful for her to remember. Once that story starts, the "telling" ends (I think).
As for her never asking about her Naming Day, you may have mis-read the sentence. She didn't really want the answers because of the possibility that those answers would make certain that she is different from everyone else in the village, something she fears is true but very much does not want to be true. Avoiding realities that we don't want to face is something almost everyone does (just look at almost any aspect of American life today for proof of that...), so I don't find that idea to be unrealistic in the slightest.
>>There is a fair bit of "telling" at the start of the chapter because (as she later admits) she is stalling, not wanting to actually get into the story because it is painful for her to remember. Once that story starts, the "telling" ends (I think).
Ok, so I had forgotten this was what you were doing. (A problem with serial stories). In this case then I think you need to break the third wall. Something like, "OK, this is going to sound stupid, but it was two years later before I..." Something where she acknowledges her moral cowardice and reminds the reader that she is telling the story. Have her apologise and admit the problem to the people she is speaking to.
She literally does that - twice. First, in talking about why she didn't ask further about her Naming Day, she says, "Nothing else seemed to matter, though now I bitterly regret the questions I did not ask and the time I lost, time that I did not spend with my parents. If I had known how soon my time with them would end, I might have… But, no. I am telling you my story, not the story of my regrets; that tale would take far more time than we have, and would not be worth the telling."
Then, two paragraphs later, she says, "Forgive me, again. I admit, I am stalling. It has been a long time since I allowed myself to remember and dwell on these days. I had such a happy life, one that was utterly torn from me once my tale begins, and now that I am on the edge of that tale’s commencement, I find myself hesitating, grasping tangents and seeking out trails of memory to explore, so that I might hold off the trouble of my life from finding me again, if even for a little while. But that is not our purpose here tonight, so I will hesitate no longer. Here is where my tale truly begins."
Both of these are asides, comments made directly to her "real" audience, the other three boys in the chamber with her.
As for the "two years later" comment, I think we have to chalk this up to stylistic differences. In my mind, Naedira is more blunt and straightforward; she wouldn't couch the time jump in anything like what you described in your example. She would just put it out there, "Two years passed and nothing relevant happened in them. Now let's move on." That's just who she is, and even her desire to stall the start of her tale can't overcome her natural tendency to be concise in her telling of it.
Again, I am commenting as a reader. How something hits me.
Now, as a writer, one question I frequently ask is, “How do writers that I really enjoy reading handle this?” It helps me to see how to handle situations where I’m trying to keep the reader’s interest through various challenges.
And, yes, she may do that later, although I must say if I had forgotten (as I had) that she was talking to the three boys, then those might not have reminded me. I might have taken these as just talking to the audience.
A dramatic reminder might be, “She looked at the three boys she was telling the story to and sighed. “You will no doubt think I was a coward, but… [explanation']. And I certainly regret it now, but at the time [more explanation].”
Some of what is going on for me is that I am not interested in reading about a character who let two years pass in this way. She becomes far, far less interesting to me.
Fair enough, though some of your forgetting may be due to the serial format we're working with here. In the end, though, I don't want that "real world fourth wall" to be broken as much as what you suggest would require; if the reader occasionally forgets that she is "telling" us this story while in a room talking to three other people, that's fine, and actually may ultimately work to help the overall feel that I'm going for. Maybe that "feel" is too esoteric or I'm missing the mark, or maybe it is being defeated by dribbling out these chapters monthly, but ultimately I'm going to keep aiming for what I hope to accomplish in this. Hopefully by the end, the journey will be worth it.
What I mean to say that I, as a reader, find it incredibly frustrating when a chapter begins with 'two years later...' in most cases.
Suppose a boy waves goodbye to his father, who is leaving on a ship. You can have 'two years later' at the beginning of the next chapter... as long as the father either doesn't come back (and thus we don't have to deal with him, except for the tension of his not coming back, which might be a gradually rising over two years thing) or he comes and goes routinely and there is no tension in it.
But I read a story once where a boy was at this new school, being bullied almost to death by the end of chapter three, and then chapter four began with 'two years later', and I almost howled! A second ago we were having almost second by second about to die tension and then, just, 'two years later'????
There were a hundred things that I wanted to know at the end of the previous chapter. Things that I didn't think could be covered with 'I didn't want to know' and have the character survive, in my mind, as a good, strong, character. Thus my frustration with 'two years later'.
Remember that all of this is my view as a reader. What I thought and how I felt when I read the words.
It would have been possible, obviously, to have the story be two years later, without beginning with 'two years later'. I would still object on plot hole and character strength grounds, but you could have started with. "I walked up from the well, my bucket in hand, the weight of the handle tearing into my palm, as it had done for the last two years." I would still not like it, but it would be way better than a bald 'two years later'.
>>Two years passed,
One of my least favourite of beginnings to a chapter. It always seems a cheat: there are tons of significant issues raised in the previous chapter (we discussed several of them) that don't seem to allow for 'two years passed'. Things that would, indeed, come to a conclusion or at least further events, during those two years.
And so much of the beginning here is telling, not showing. That's another problem with 'two years passed'. It drives us out of the story into some kind of fast-forward mode... and an unbelievable one.
I myself don't believe the 'I never asked because if I knew the answer I would be different'. Who would think like that???
I don't think it's a cheat because literally nothing happens in those two years that is relevant to the story she is telling (remember, this is the girl from the prologue telling this story). What would you like to know from that time? She finished her formal education - not relevant to the larger story. She began "testing" various crafts to see which she might want to learn - not relevant to the larger story. She developed relationships with various people in her village - not relevant to the larger story. She probably ate and drank and went to the bathroom a few times too. :-) What do you miss out on (from the perspective of the larger story) by missing all of those irrelevant (and frankly quite dull) details? Or would you prefer having two chapters of utter nothing, filled to the brim with simple domestic tedium, just to avoid "skipping time"?
There is a fair bit of "telling" at the start of the chapter because (as she later admits) she is stalling, not wanting to actually get into the story because it is painful for her to remember. Once that story starts, the "telling" ends (I think).
As for her never asking about her Naming Day, you may have mis-read the sentence. She didn't really want the answers because of the possibility that those answers would make certain that she is different from everyone else in the village, something she fears is true but very much does not want to be true. Avoiding realities that we don't want to face is something almost everyone does (just look at almost any aspect of American life today for proof of that...), so I don't find that idea to be unrealistic in the slightest.
>>There is a fair bit of "telling" at the start of the chapter because (as she later admits) she is stalling, not wanting to actually get into the story because it is painful for her to remember. Once that story starts, the "telling" ends (I think).
Ok, so I had forgotten this was what you were doing. (A problem with serial stories). In this case then I think you need to break the third wall. Something like, "OK, this is going to sound stupid, but it was two years later before I..." Something where she acknowledges her moral cowardice and reminds the reader that she is telling the story. Have her apologise and admit the problem to the people she is speaking to.
She literally does that - twice. First, in talking about why she didn't ask further about her Naming Day, she says, "Nothing else seemed to matter, though now I bitterly regret the questions I did not ask and the time I lost, time that I did not spend with my parents. If I had known how soon my time with them would end, I might have… But, no. I am telling you my story, not the story of my regrets; that tale would take far more time than we have, and would not be worth the telling."
Then, two paragraphs later, she says, "Forgive me, again. I admit, I am stalling. It has been a long time since I allowed myself to remember and dwell on these days. I had such a happy life, one that was utterly torn from me once my tale begins, and now that I am on the edge of that tale’s commencement, I find myself hesitating, grasping tangents and seeking out trails of memory to explore, so that I might hold off the trouble of my life from finding me again, if even for a little while. But that is not our purpose here tonight, so I will hesitate no longer. Here is where my tale truly begins."
Both of these are asides, comments made directly to her "real" audience, the other three boys in the chamber with her.
As for the "two years later" comment, I think we have to chalk this up to stylistic differences. In my mind, Naedira is more blunt and straightforward; she wouldn't couch the time jump in anything like what you described in your example. She would just put it out there, "Two years passed and nothing relevant happened in them. Now let's move on." That's just who she is, and even her desire to stall the start of her tale can't overcome her natural tendency to be concise in her telling of it.
Again, I am commenting as a reader. How something hits me.
Now, as a writer, one question I frequently ask is, “How do writers that I really enjoy reading handle this?” It helps me to see how to handle situations where I’m trying to keep the reader’s interest through various challenges.
And, yes, she may do that later, although I must say if I had forgotten (as I had) that she was talking to the three boys, then those might not have reminded me. I might have taken these as just talking to the audience.
A dramatic reminder might be, “She looked at the three boys she was telling the story to and sighed. “You will no doubt think I was a coward, but… [explanation']. And I certainly regret it now, but at the time [more explanation].”
Some of what is going on for me is that I am not interested in reading about a character who let two years pass in this way. She becomes far, far less interesting to me.
Fair enough, though some of your forgetting may be due to the serial format we're working with here. In the end, though, I don't want that "real world fourth wall" to be broken as much as what you suggest would require; if the reader occasionally forgets that she is "telling" us this story while in a room talking to three other people, that's fine, and actually may ultimately work to help the overall feel that I'm going for. Maybe that "feel" is too esoteric or I'm missing the mark, or maybe it is being defeated by dribbling out these chapters monthly, but ultimately I'm going to keep aiming for what I hope to accomplish in this. Hopefully by the end, the journey will be worth it.
BTW, I would love to hear your comments on some of my stories.
Yes, the serial format is definitely an issue.
Although not me but some people tend to read, like, one chapter at a time.
I am a little confused by 'what I hope to accomplish in this'. Is the style literally part of that, or is it the story you want to tell??
I guess I wasn't clear...
What I mean to say that I, as a reader, find it incredibly frustrating when a chapter begins with 'two years later...' in most cases.
Suppose a boy waves goodbye to his father, who is leaving on a ship. You can have 'two years later' at the beginning of the next chapter... as long as the father either doesn't come back (and thus we don't have to deal with him, except for the tension of his not coming back, which might be a gradually rising over two years thing) or he comes and goes routinely and there is no tension in it.
But I read a story once where a boy was at this new school, being bullied almost to death by the end of chapter three, and then chapter four began with 'two years later', and I almost howled! A second ago we were having almost second by second about to die tension and then, just, 'two years later'????
There were a hundred things that I wanted to know at the end of the previous chapter. Things that I didn't think could be covered with 'I didn't want to know' and have the character survive, in my mind, as a good, strong, character. Thus my frustration with 'two years later'.
Remember that all of this is my view as a reader. What I thought and how I felt when I read the words.
It would have been possible, obviously, to have the story be two years later, without beginning with 'two years later'. I would still object on plot hole and character strength grounds, but you could have started with. "I walked up from the well, my bucket in hand, the weight of the handle tearing into my palm, as it had done for the last two years." I would still not like it, but it would be way better than a bald 'two years later'.